The smile you see upon my face

It’s not what I feel within

Some days I feel invincible

Like nothing can touch me

Easily distracted

Talking nonsense you may see

It’s times like this I sometimes get

Angry and irritable with others

Take risks, not see, live dangerously

Not realising the risk I’ve under

After these episodes I feel so ashamed

So much guilt for how I was

Embarrassed by my actions

Even though I know the cause

These episodes can be dangerous

My mind thinks it can make judgements

But with little sleep and euphoric highs

It’s so obvious to others

Then there’s the opposite

The depths of pure despair

The days where I can’t do anything

To keep breathing I cannot bear

It’s these times that I feel hopeless

Worthless, nothing to give

And in those times it’s the hardest

To chose each day to live

I cannot see a future

I cannot see at all

My family wonder what’s happened to me

I become overly withdrawn

I feel suicidal

The world is better of without

That this hellish time will pass again

I entirely doubt

But it can get more confusing

Mixed episodes can occur

‘Psychotic’ symptoms, delusions

Life becomes a blur

I know not what I’m feeling

Or thinking or doing at all

Hard to manage emotions

Exhausting getting through this brawl

I become more unpredictable

More likely to act of thoughts

That otherwise I wouldn’t have

The energy to at all

It’s in these times it’s hardest

To stand by me and support

Because you don’t know what to do

Or what I might have thought

But there’s more than one type of Bipolar

There’s type 1, type 2 and more

And they all are experienced differently

But each episode remains a chore

We don’t always know when they’ll strike

Or how long I’ll get in between

We don’t know always know how to cope with them

The future is unseen

But most of us learn to live

And manage through these times

But it’s always so much easier

If there’s someone by our side

There’s so many causes of this illness

It could happen to us all

So don’t judge my life or my steps

You could be you next to fall

So when you see the smile I have

So clear upon my face

Don’t assume that I’m ok

It could be the darkest hour of day